Well today is my first ever Christmas blog and I will start by wishing everyone a very happy and Merry Christmas!
I traveled to Denver, Colorado with my wife to be with her family and my adorable little nephew Chase for Christmas. I have to admit it is my first Christmas away from the mountains and lakes of Montana…I’m usually pitchin’ jigs on the river or staring down a hole in the ice waiting for that magic moment.
While missing my mountains and my pups, I feel so blessed to be with such a loving family this time of the year. The only setback is that I just found out there is a lake near downtown Denver full of everything from my beloved walleye to crappie and tiger muskie…that might be an awkward taxi cab ride. The closest I have come to the fishing hole is the Denver Mall’s fountain. I’m the kind of guy that has an anxiety attack at the local Wal-Mart, let alone the Denver mall. About the only crowded place I like to be is at the boat ramp during a big tournament or hot bite.
I knew I was in trouble when it took us an hour to find a place to park in the mall lot. When we entered the giant concrete jungle I looked over at the “war department” and she smiled and said “come on, ya big wussie.” I will gladly swim in shark infested waters or hike around with grizzly bears but the sight of all those people frantically running around almost made me dirty my droors!!!
It was about to get real bad…real fast! We came to Christmas shop and I was about to spend my time at the mall shopping for a change of underwear J When I thought I was about to get away with a clean pair of shorts, of group of mall carolers came around the corner dressed in Santa costumes and surrounded me singing and dancing at the top of their lungs.
For anybody that knows me, I for sure pooped my pants and wanted to fall into the fetal position and cry. As they moved on and attacked their next innocent victim, I succumbed to being my wife’s chauffeur for the rest of the adventure.
Since I was on such a roll with my Christmas etiquette, I decided to tell my wife’s family the story of the “skunk from the dead.” A few years back (about fifteen) when my best friend Chris and I were in middle school, my garage got raided by a rabid skunk.
One morning letting the dogs out, the striped beast sprayed his delightful liquor and darted into the garage. As the beast hid in the corner growling, my dad quickly grabbed the boat oar and mashed him right on the noggin’. That was the end of the striped stinker…or so we thought.
We lived in a very family oriented neighborhood with lots of kids and large families. Chris and I got the bright idea to tie some 10lb monofilament line to the beast’s leg and drag him out into the street. Ok, brace yourself for this– As our first group of prey moved closer, Chris and I were hid more than a hundred feet back behind the screen door of the house waiting and peeking out in great anticipation.
When the family walking their dogs got about twenty-five feet from the skunk Chris yelled, “NOW DUDE, NOW, NOW!!!” and I started yanking on the mono as hard as I could. What was soon to follow was without a doubt our greatest accomplishment as a couple a good hearted hell raising kids. With the skunk’s legs flailing around like me on ice skates, the dogs were jerking at their leashes barking their heads off while the parents were trying to gather the screaming kids.
We kept the skunk floundering around while the family went running up the street like a group of striped-ass apes. Our next victim was a family driving down the road; once again as they came near I started yanking on the mono as hard as I could. When the car got close, the family swerved to the side and came to an abrupt stop…the entire family was pointing and screaming before they sped off in a burnout!!!
As you can probably imagine, Chris and I perpetually tormented the neighborhood for the rest of the day. It is memories like these that make me who I am in this world…and my brother-in-law’s response to my story was “ohhhh, hell no!”
So up and beyond a Merry Christmas I truly hope everyone is having a magical time with family and friends this holiday season. It is so important to have the stories and smiles and warm embraces brought only through giving and cherishing time with the ones you love…and of course ditching everybody to go fishing for an afternoon or so (hey, fresh stories are like fresh fish.)
So cheers to large metropolitan areas (horrifying), almost getting arrested for testing the “Glass Minnows” on goldfish in the Park Meadows mall fountain, family and friends, clean underwear, a white Christmas and of course…”Jiggin’ the Dream”
Ps. Remember, Christmas is about giving…unless Santa forgot your Kit’s jigs under the tree
-Trevor Jonson of Kit’s Tackle