# 1. Hunters have nice ‘hineys’! You don’t have to worry about high gym membership fees! We prefer to build that gluteus maximus trekking to the tops of mountains and putting large portions of animals on our backs to walk down. And no need to worry if your hunter is more of the road hunter type, he will surely have a nice soft belly to lay your head on at night.
# 2. In the event of a zombie apocalypse . . . we hunters will have enough guns ammo and skills to protect our children and women folk. We can shoot a buck running through the timber at 500 yards so you can rest assured that zombies won’t stand a chance. And if we run out of bullets (ha, not likely) we have enough black powder in the basement with our bullet loading supplies. We can even go Rambo style and shoot them with exploding arrows; zombies won’t be a problem.
# 3. You don’t have to worry about hunters using up all your favorite lotion or body wash. Sparkly Pear Blossom is just not our thing. If you decide to buy a lotion that smells like dirt, sage, deer pee or elk hair, you just might catch us sneaking it in our hunting pack. Aside from that, you shouldn’t have to worry.
# 4. Hunters are easy to shop for. No need to get up at 4:00 AM on Black Friday to find a gift for your outdoorsman. Just head down to the local hardware store and buy the first thing you see with a camo pattern or anything to do with a gun or bow! Home run every time!
# 5. We will save you time and money. You don’t have to worry about scouring the newspaper looking for coupons in order to save 50 cents on a pound of hamburger. In fact, you won’t have to worry about buying meat again! We will keep the freezer full of elk roasts, deer steak, duck breast,and bear sausage. We will even put enough barbeque sauce on it for you, so that will you might believe it’s beef or chicken.
# 6. Hunters always have a story. If there is ever an awkward silence in a conversation, we hunters will come to the rescue with a tale about our latest adventure. Of course we will exaggerate greatly to make the conversation more interesting; the many pictures we have saved on our phone will only add to the excitement! People will soon be convinced that your husband is the most interesting man in the world!
# 7. Hunters are excellent interior decorators. If there is any empty wall or shelf space in the house, we will be glad to beautify it with antlers, skulls, shoulder mounts, and furs. After all, we are just here to help.
# 8. Hunters know how to stay down wind. This will come in handy at your company barbeque when the menu includes chili dogs topped with sauerkraut and jalapenos. The number one rule when hunters are approaching a bugling bull is not to let him smell you. You will appreciate our skill as you are approaching your boss after dinner to talk about that job opening.
# 9. Hunters don’t raise wimpy kids. Our kids will never be the ones who scream, cry, faint, or throw up the first time they dissect a frog in school. By the time they go to elementary they have become very familiar with Daddy bringing home dead things in the back of his truck and trying to coax them into a photo shoot with his trophy. Everything looks bigger next to 3 year old!
# 10. Hunter’s guilt can get you anything! When the season is over, we hunters will feel so guilty about being gone that we will pretty much do anything to get out of the dog house! True story; I hunted my tail off all of September and October. When I showed a co-worker a picture of a bull I had shot, he asked me how much the tag cost me. I answered, about $3000. When he looked at me in shock, I had to explain to him that the tag itself only cost about $35; it was the trip to Disney Land that I took my wife and kids on afterward–to get me out of the dog house– that made the bull so expensive.