Montana Trapper Peak

Five Reasons to Never Move to Montana
By angelamontana

Posted: February 10, 2016

Maybe you were on vacation in Montana, and you think you fell in love with it…or maybe you saw pictures online of Montana and decided you want to move here.  Well, don’t pack up yet, outsiders, as there are a few things you should know about Montana before putting in your notice at work.  Just as with people, looks are not everything.  For example:

  1. Montana is full of cattle, which means Rocky Mountain Oysters are pretty much the only thing we have to eat here.  So, if you aren’t keen on getting creative with making meals out of cow testicles, then this isn’t the place for you.
  2. On the topic of cattle, there are more cows in the state than people, which means when you are in town with the “locals”, conversation can be limited to the occasional “moo” and constant cud chewing.
  3. The sky is waaaaaaaaaaay too big here.  That whole “big sky” talk? Well, it’s overwhelmingly huge, and it’s terribly difficult to choose one part of the sky to look at.  It just makes you want to stay inside all the time, which makes moving here pointless.  We, in Montana, suggest checking out condos and subdivisions in California, Florida or the northeast–it isn’t as overwhelming being outside over there with the normal-sized sky.  It’s possibly even refreshing.
  4. There are rattlesnakes, grizzly bears, wolves and mountain lions in Montana.  Why would you want to move to a place that has so many predators?  The thing is, the predators that are here seem to like the taste of out-of-state blood more than anything, too!  Trust us, it isn’t worth the risk.  Doesn’t that cozy 12th-floor apartment on the coast or that safe, cookie-cutter subdivision seem more appealing now?  It might be worth it to check on that and see if it is still available.
  5. Weather. The weather is unpredictable. You just never know what you will get. Why would you want to move somewhere that could get hit with a blizzard in the summer?!  We definitely suggest that you check out coastal locations with milder, more stable temperatures.  Oh, did we mention that when we have a solid winter, it lasts for upwards of nine months?  Don’t do that to yourself!

So, basically, these are just a few of the reasons you should second-guess your decision to move here.  Rumor has it, the maximum people population has been reached–although I haven’t confirmed that yet, I am pretty sure it is accurate.  Montana is a great place to visit, but you definitely shouldn’t move here.  That way you can avoid having to learn to speak “cow”, getting used to eating cow testicles, being overwhelmed by the size of the sky, being attacked by predators and dealing with unpredictable weather.

We wish you the best of luck with your move to anywhere other than Montana! 🙂