For years, Montana’s mountaineers have argued about what’s more essential for a successful summit of Granite Peak: a solid rack of cams, a favorable weather window, or a sheer, stubborn will to live. As of this morning, that debate is officially over.
The answer is a Venti Iced Oatmilk Latte.
In a move that gives “corporate expansion” a literal vertical meaning, Starbucks has announced its newest—and highest—location in the Lower 48: a 4×4 kiosk perched directly on the 12,799-foot summit of Montana’s highest point.
The “Sherpa Surcharge”
Let’s talk logistics. Getting a double-shot espresso to the top of the Beartooths isn’t exactly a drive-thru experience. Because the baristas have to navigate the infamous Froze-to-Death Plateau just to clock in, your morning brew is going to cost you more than just sweat equity.
Due to the extreme delivery costs, Starbucks is implementing a mandatory $15 “Sherpa Surcharge” on all beverages. Yes, your Pumpkin Spice Latte will now cost more than a mid-range headlamp, but can you really put a price on a caffeine buzz while overlooking the Absaroka-Beartooth Wilderness?
Climb for Your Cake Pops
The menu is surprisingly robust for a location that requires a Class 4 rock scramble to reach. However, there are a few mountain-specific rules:
- The Discount: Present a valid Custer Gallatin National Forest climbing permit for 10% off all Cake Pops.
- The “Nitro” Warning: Due to the thin air at nearly 13,000 feet, the Nitro Cold Brew is currently restricted to those with a resting heart rate under 50 bpm.
- No Trash: In accordance with “Leave No Trace” principles, if you drop your green straw on the switchbacks, a mountain goat will be legally authorized to headbutt you.
Why Granite Peak?
When asked why they chose a location that is buried in snow ten months of the year, a spokesperson (who was notably wearing crampons and a green apron) stated:
“We noticed a gap in our coverage. We had stores in every Target and on every street corner in Billings, but our data showed that the ‘Hardcore Mountaineer’ demographic was dangerously under-caffeinated during the final push up the chimney.”
A Quick Reality Check
If you’ve already started lacing up your boots and checking your bank balance for that $15 surcharge, we have one final piece of gear you need to check: your calendar.
Before you start your approach from Mystic Lake, remember that today is April 1st. The only “buzz” you’re going to get at the top of Granite Peak is the sound of the wind and the high-altitude ringing in your ears. The summit remains rugged and—thankfully—corporate-free.
Happy April Fools’ Day from the team at MontanaOutdoor.com! Thank you for reading this far and for sharing in our love for the Big Sky state.