CRAP! (by Montana Grant)
By angelamontana

Posted: August 25, 2014

crapolaLike it or not, humans need to take a “Crap” daily to ensure good health. People have been “Pottie Trained” for in house rituals, but what happens when we venture into the wilderness? The fact is that a healthy Crap or “Piss” is a wonderful and necessary event.

Pioneers, Indians, and Mountain Men had it figured out. Populations were smaller, Nomadic, and more scattered. Sadly, we have forgotten the art of taking a Crap in the wilderness. We take indoor plumbing for granted and assume that a public facility is just around the corner.

When you have to go, you have to go! You need a plan whether you are on a boat, mountain, open field, or highway. Locating an appropriate Crap-site is an art form. Trees and rocks can be perfect perches but may also house snakes, spiders, or other critters. Be observant and choose wisely. This may a tough choice if time is not on your side.

The perfect tree will have a forked trunk laying horizontal and about 2 feet off of the ground. Good luck with this quest. The comfortable fork allows for equal support of each “Cheek” while protecting your ankles. Once you discover a special tree, keep it in mind for future outdoor jaunts. Rocks stacked in a similar configuration also work well. Roadside fencing and rails also have been used for care free and less modest events. Keep in mind that there are laws which you may be breaking.

When humans were wilder than modern man, they simply squatted and took care of business. Frequently, they did their duty near a water source not knowing the health concerns. This allowed for a rinse after the event. Toilet paper was rare so a bunch of grass, leaves, or even dirt was used to “clean” themselves after their morning constitutional. Indians would use cattail tops tucked into an animal skin as a diaper. Keep in mind that this generation rarely bathed anyway let alone wash their hands. Germs were rampant but so were the folk’s resistance to most disease. It was a time of survival of the fittest.

Most people today lack the flexibility to Squat completely. Our body is actually designed for this positional evacuation but we lose the flexibility by using comfortable and elevated seats. The result is longer time needed, hemmorhoids, and other assorted irregularities.

Most camps, villages, and wagon trains would have a designated area for folks to relieve themselves. Men tended to go wherever they wanted. These nomads would then move along allowing nature to deal with the waste cleanup. If you were on a ship, the waste buckets were thrown overboard. Trains allowed an open trap door to dump the waste onto the tracks. In many cities, the waste was simply thrown into the streets.

When in the outdoors, there is no one best way to take a crap. There are certainly environmental concerns and park rules that must be considered. Terrain and foliage is often very different. Try and anticipate the needs while you are near facilities for the event. That being said, you need to be prepared when toilets are beyond range.

Always carry some toilet paper, tissue, or paper towels. These can also double as an emergency fire starter. Sanitary wipes are also handy and take up very little space. Prepare a hole using a stick, shovel, or your heel. Ideally, you need to dig at least a foot deep. After you have completed the event, refill the hole. I usually lay a rock or other debris over top the site to hinder any random discovery. Nature’s decomposers will take care of the decomposition.

In places where heavy use occurs, things can accumulate to the point where disease becomes an issue. Having a deep holed latrine will help. Add a little dirt each time the toilet is used. Lime also works well. Cover the site when done.

A 5 gallon bucket works well in a pinch. Add some foam pipe insulation around the rim for comfort and place a bag in the bucket. A little Kitty Litter will help with liquids and odor. In this way, you can contain the waste for disposal at a sanitary location. There are also foldable, powdered, hitch hauled, tented thrones available. In each case, the waste will still need to be disposed of appropriately.

“Trucker Bombs” are bottles of urine that are filled while “Truckin”. Accuracy is important but I just wish that these bombs didn’t end up along our highways. People are “NIMBYS”. As long as it is “Not In My Back Yard”, seems to be all that matters to some.

Like it or not, the world is a smaller place. As populations grow, so does the “Crap” that comes with it. Countries and places full of NIMBYS also have Chlolera, Giardia, and parasites that cause health epidemics. Don’t forget that every other creature in nature also uses it as a toilet.

All of us need to establish a friendly balance with nature. We do not want to “Crap” on the very thing that we love.

Don’t forget to put the seat down,

Montana Grant

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