X-RATED!!!
By Montana Grant

Posted: February 7, 2021

Social Distancing has now led to Socially Appropriate speech. We all have a reason to curse a bit, but fishermen and hunters often curse the most!

When a hunter lines up on a huge elk and pulls the trigger… A fisherman almost gets the catch of a lifetime to the net but… This is when the inappropriate adjectives begin to fly. “What the Hey!”

Back in the day, I guided Hank Williams Jr. He is a wonderful and generous fella that can cuss better than anyone I have ever met. He could squeeze several F-Bombs into a sentence without a problem. Maybe this list of Alternative Cuss Words would be helpful to him or some of your Pottie Mouth friends.

The first cuss word that I remember using was “SH–!” My Mother heard it and instantly gave me the Stink Eye. I do not remember why I said the word, but I do remember the taste of the bar of Ivory soap she used to clean out my mouth.

There have also been many other moments of inappropriate adjectives. The huge Rainbow Trout that I lost on the Slough Creek was one of those moments. My Dad was trying to fit the huge trout in a small net for me. When the fish got free, my dad let fly with several new cuss words that I still use to this day.

As a lifelong schoolteacher, I never dropped an F-Bomb, or intentional curse word. There were a few close calls but, “Shizzle, Son of a Biscuit, Shut the front door, Mother Francis”, my students never got the wrong lesson.

After retiring from education, I have had other jobs. As a Log Chinker, my sheltered vocabulary changed. On a job site, or at hunting or fishing camp, every noun is preceded by an adjective. You never ask for a “hammer”, you demand the “F—ing” Hammer. A cleaner choice might be a “Fiddlesticks” hammer. At the camp dinner, you ask for the “Crapola” stew Bucket head, Dad Burnit!”

We have all those moments afield when “shucks”, you ask “what the devil”. That “Son of a Motherless Goat” can be a real “Flippin”, “Fiddle Faddle” for “Cryin out Loud!’

With new technology, we probably need to also modify our text abbreviations. “SOB, WTF, FU, etc. may also need some “Dad Blast It” improvements.

Or we can just say F#$&^%@ it!

Montana Grant

For more Montana Grant, find him getting his mouth washed out again at www.montanagrantfishing.com.