AKA: “The Bambi Breakfast Bomber” — serves 2 brave souls, or 1 person having a truly important day.
Ingredients
| For the burger | For assembly |
|---|---|
| 1 lb ground venison | 4 glazed donuts (slightly stale is better — they hold structure better) |
| 1 tsp kosher salt | 4 slices sharp cheddar (or smoked gouda if you’re fancy) |
| ½ tsp black pepper | 4 strips thick-cut bacon |
| ½ tsp garlic powder | 2 tbsp real maple syrup, plus more for drizzling |
| ½ tsp smoked paprika | 1 tbsp butter, for toasting the donuts |
| 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce | Optional: 1 fried egg per burger, sliced jalapeños for the cowards who want balance |
Instructions
- Season the venison. Gently mix the venison with salt, pepper, garlic powder, paprika, and Worcestershire. Form 2 patties slightly wider than your donuts, and press a dimple in the center. Handle it like a stressed colleague — minimal contact.
- Bacon first. Cook the bacon until crisp. Save the fat. You’ll want it. Venison is 95% lean and 100% incapable of moisturizing itself, so that fat is doing the work.
- Cook the patties. In the bacon pan, sear 3–4 minutes per side over medium-high. Pull them at ~150–155°F internal and let them rest to 160°F — ground venison should hit 160°F for safety, but past that it can turn into something that will remind you of a pencil eraser. Melt cheddar on top during the last minute.
- Toast the donuts. Slice each donut through the equator like a bun. Butter the cut sides and toast in the pan 30–45 seconds until golden and caramelized. This step is not optional. Soggy donuts are like a crime scene!!
- Assemble. Donut bottom → patty → bacon → a pretty good sized drizzle of maple syrup → donut top. If using the fried egg, put it on and just accept your life choices. Yummmmm.
- Serve immediately. This burger has a lifespan of approximately 90 seconds before whole thing falls apart. Like all beautiful things…the aesthetic doesn’t last..
But… Is It Worth Trying? A Moment of Reflection..
The venison donut burger asks a question many have ignored for too long: what if the breakfast and the burger reconciled? And the answer, disturbingly, is yes — the glazed donut melts into something very close to a brioche bun, the maple syrup bridges the venison and the sweetness, and for one insanely glorious moment, you understand the draw. Is it refined? Nope. Is your cardiologist going to like this? Nope. Will it taste good? In a scary way, the answer is undeniably yes — venison’s gaminess doesn’t fight the sweetness, it needs it. So yes, it is worth trying. Even just once. And then, if you’re honest with yourself, twice — once for confirmation, and once more “just to be sure.” The real danger isn’t the calories. It’s that you’ll like it, and liking it changes you. Nothing normal ever tastes as good again. You’ve been warned!
Verdict: Try it. But, just beware of the potential addiction involved with liking it. If you don’t like it, at least you tried it!
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