Good morning Missoula friends – we need your help to solve a mystery. At some point in the past couple of days our beloved mountain lion was stolen from the distillery. You may have noticed that it was hanging in the hallway that leads to our restrooms. It appears that someone ripped it off the wall and snuck out the back door of the distillery. More than just a cool decoration, this mountain lion was shot by my aunt many years ago, and was on loan to the distillery. As you could understand, I’d rather not be on the wrong side of a Montana woman that shoots mountain lions. If anyone has any information on the whereabouts of the stolen cat (or cat burglar), please call the distillery (406-926-1725) or email us (email@example.com). We are offering a $500 reward for its return. It can be positively identified by the peach and brown felt border of the pelt.
We’re also offering an amnesty period for the cat burglar. If we get the beloved cat back before this weekend, there will be no questions asked and you can walk away with a clean conscience. Following that, all you will receive is bad karma and the impending doom of iron-fisted justice.